First off, before I get into anything, I just want to state what this post is NOT. This post is not "why your choice is wrong". If you picked something different, then that's your choice, or your Shepard's choice or some combination thereof and if you are fine with it, great! In fact, I'd love to hear why you chose differently. I just want to explain why I can't pick them. Some personal reasons and some in-game reasons.


Now that that is out of the way, without further adieu... (yes, I "borrowed" my post from BSN again, but this time I went totally George Lucas on it! Here's the Special Edition version!)
On March 6th, I went internet dark. I didn't read any forums, watch any youtube vids, nothing. I wanted to be spoiler-free. If I screwed up in my first playthrough, so what? That's what second, third, fourth, etc playthroughs for were for, right?. Whatever I did, I would suck it up and just soldier on. No reloads on mistakes. And, believe me, I made mistakes. I lost out on a lot of sidequests because I didn't know about the Citadel coup. I didn't know you could warn Miranda, so I lost her in addition to Thane. I never found Kelly at all, so I lost her as well. I was about 2/3 through the game before I discovered the thrill of Singularity + Biotic Charge. And that was by pure accident.
What am I getting at? How is this relevant to FemShep? Well, when I finally got to the end and finally had control of my character again... I am proud, damn proud that Kendra didn't believe a word that that little snot had just told her. I don't care what the auto-dialogue made her say. Don't get me started on how she had just proved his circular logic wrong on the Rannoch mission.
After all the crap she had been through during the game... heck, all three games, no way in hell those bastards were gonna live. Now, was part of that because she was Renegade? Because she had the Ruthless background? I can't sit here and deny that it wasn't part of it. But, me, the player sitting in the chair, wasn't gonna have any of his bullcrap either.
Yeah, sure, I replayed the ending to see the other two options, and then went and searched out forums, vids, etc to see others' reactions.... because, seriously? WTF?
But, my initial gut reaction?
That isn't to say that I wouldn't welcome a fourth "argue with the little snot" option. I would. Gladly. Or the Indoctrination theory. If Bioware decides to pick up the loose threads and go that route, I would welcome that as well. It's just that given what we have right now, I'm... god, I almost typed "happy" there... I'm... okay with my choice. Just hopefully the upcoming DLC clears up a lot of this mess and this isn't all we ever get.


As I said before, I immediately went back and replayed the entire Citadel portion again twice more just to see the other two "options". At 4am. On a Sunday night/Monday morning. I wouldn't recommend that to anybody. All because my autosave put me back to the Normandy, so I had to pick the "restart mission" save, which was right before the beam. Ugh.


As upset as I was, I was not prepared for how distraught seeing the other two "endings" would make me. How all three of them made me upset. I probably don't need to explain why, there's been enough talk about them all over the internet.


After seeing the third one (Synthesis in my case)... I just went numb. I wanted to curl up in a fetal position and pretend the world didn't exist. I read the BSN forums and watched Youtube vids. I tried to sleep off and on, but got maybe three hours at best. That's all I remember about Monday. I don't think I ate at all. Tuesday was mildly better in that I maybe ate something. I might have lost the whole week if it wasn't for the fact that I had to go back to work on Wednesday.


Why did I type all that? I... have no idea. It just wanted to get out. But, I'm gonna leave it there before I change my mind.


So, Control. Why can't I pick Control? Because it's what The Illusive Man wanted. Kendra had been arguing with him all game about it and now she's just gonna go along with it? Sorry, that just doesn't work for me. Kendra had spent the whole game... all three games, arguing with people. Now she just blindly accepts what she's told? No, no, no, no, no. Hell no.


Assuming that she were to pick it, just what happens to Shepard anyway? Is her essence spread throughout all the Reapers and she orders them to leave? How long will her essence last? A year? A thousand years? A million? If it does fade, what happens? Do the Reapers return and the cycle begins anew? The game gave us no answers to any of those questions and I just could not take the chance.


And that brings us to Synthesis and I have to decide just how personal I want to be on this. You see, I could be considered partly synthetic. Nothing internal, it's all external prosthesis, but I can't walk without them. When I was a kid, my mom would take me to see doctors every few months. Always a new doctor and always the same answer "he needs to have surgery". On the way home, my mom would always be upset. Being a kid, I didn't understand why. I figured it was something I did and did my best to stay quiet on the long drives home. It wasn't until I was an adult that I fully understood. I had asked her about it and she explained to me that she didn't feel right making the decision for me. It was a major surgery and it could have affected my growth plate leaving me stuck at what size I was at the time. I did make the decision when I was sixteen and my life has been better for it, but I am glad she let me make that choice myself.


So, what is my point? How is this relevant? How can I make a choice that affects the DNA of the entire galaxy if my mother didn't feel right making a similar choice for her own son. I just can't do it. I can't. Ever. No matter what the in-game justification for it.


Which is why my FemSheps (whenever it is that I finally import them into ME3), no matter their morality, will always pick the Destroy option. My maleSheps? No idea. I don't have as strong an attachment to them as I do my FemSheps. And my male Renegon? He's a freaking lunatic. Lord only knows what he'll do.

You know, about a month ago (as of this writing), red wasn't in the list of colors I liked. It was too bright, too flashy. It just didn't appeal to me. Green was my favorite color. It still is. But red? Red is now a close second.
I guess it's just all matter of....


I should add that due to all my mistakes and missed War Assets and the fact that I hadn't played any multiplayer at all at that point, I did NOT get the little breath movie at the end. You know what? I'm still damn proud of Kendra's choice.

Views: 238

Comment by Red on April 11, 2012 at 10:47pm


Comment by Kate Lorimer on April 12, 2012 at 5:50am

Same.  I listened to the brat, assumed he was lying on behalf of the Reapers, didnt trust him, and did what I set out to do from the start - Destroy the Reapers. I knew that I was not likely to survive in the final equation... that was my character's sacrifice, that's why I said my goodbyes to everyone, especially dear Liara.

"Knew this was a one way trip" 

The bit about "destroy all synthetics, including Geth" (and therefore also EDI) stank, but I figured it was part of the LIE to try and convince me to do one of the other choices.

So i felt like Shepard as depicted in Destroy.. wounded, weakened.. but then resolute - this was the RIGHT thing to do.

The ending played out, tugging on heart strings like the last moments of "LOST" (and just as nefarious by overloading you with emotion in order to blind you to having just been conned for a whole season - in Mass Effect's case 10 minutes) - then that oddity with the Normandy, then that bizarro epilogue. (old man+child - I didnt get the breath scene either, and in my ending the credits rolled as the door opens on the Normandy, hiding who's within)

I went to bed that night tired, emotionally drained, and still in the post-ending shock.

It wasn't until the next morning I went "..wait.. what?"

after having shunned all info on the game, I then ploughed online and now understood people's frustration, and stumbled on the indoctrination theory, which I initially clung to like some kind of lifebelt explanation to the 1% bizarreness to 99% beautiful storytelling, though in my heart I increasingly felt that BioWare had fumbled and dropped the ball in a rush to meet deadlines - which also explained ridiculous bugs present in the game. 

Now I sit in the calm afterlife post furor, the series is now rendered a lost cause to me unless the summer DLC reveals something extraordinary.. which by BioWare's own admission, it wont.

I felt we had something here in Mass Effect that transcended storytelling as we knew it both in terms of movies and games, and its tragic to me that the 1% destroys the whole, by rendering everything you do previously... moot.

Comment by Syrdeth on April 12, 2012 at 9:24am

All good points, Kate. And thanks for sharing your reactions.

As for the DLC, when it was first announced I had hope and then I read Bioware's blog as to the explanation and raged... for about a day. My official response now is this:

Thanks to AislinnTrista for that pic.

Comment by illuseia on April 13, 2012 at 1:56pm

Good explanation. I can truly relate to your post. I always choose "destroy" as well because it was the only one that felt right. I didn't want to control them like illusive man wanted and certainly not to combine synthesis with organics. Hell, i have been fighting for three games now to DESTROY the reapers! nothing else! Thanks for a good posting.

Comment by Syrdeth on April 13, 2012 at 10:41pm

Rebecka: Thanks for the nice words!


And because I forgot to initially, thanks, Red!

Comment by Tayg on April 14, 2012 at 7:10am

I destroyed as well, first time spoiler free and then again when I redid it all so I had all the assets and crew from ME2 as well.

I made the same choice to destroy as well, thinking "Sorry EDI" as I did it happily. The ending still has me feeling empty and unfulfilled.

Thanks for the post, I am also with you.

Comment by Kate Lorimer on April 17, 2012 at 1:29am

I'd love to hope the Indoctrination theory is real.. but as time has gone on my resolve has weakened.. I increasingly believe that BioWare made a critical miscalculation and/or had to rush production at the end - now I got completely lambasted in the Bioware forums for saying this, but when you add together a nonsensical leftfield abrupt ending, various bugs, and crucially insanely the bug affecting all 3 release formats preventing import of appearance from previous games...  and if indoctrination was the secret reveal... why keep it seperate from the game as DLC.. and why several months wait for it (assuming the extended dlc is what it is)...

I will remain pessimistic, but secretly harboring hope for a suprise...

..and I know I've already posted an excellent alternate fan-ending.. but here's another amazing one.. get ready to weep again.. especially if you listen to this at the same time:

Alternate ending:

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Page 4


Comment by Syrdeth on April 17, 2012 at 1:44am

I love that comic.


I want the Indoctrination Theory to be true. There's so many threads... hell, whole tapestry pieces, that point to it. Sure, there's holes. But a lot less than the actual endings. But, the only response we got from Bioware when asked about it at PAX is "no comment". So, for me, I have to deal with things as they are. I'm in a "sit and wait" mode to see what the DLC does. Until then, I'm still proud of my choice... of Kendra's choice.


God, I miss her. Flaws and all.

Comment by Tayg on April 17, 2012 at 6:14am

The indoctrination theory gives them the only solution that I can see where they can actually come out looking good in the end. If it was their plan, good for them. If it wasn't their original plan, it would give them the ability to save face. If they refuse to see this, their ego's are causing them a lot of credibility.

"Lets stick with our original crappy idea because it's ours. Piss off the rest of you"


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